The Meeting

I know it's been a while. Meeting my birthmother was such an incredible experience, I needed to sort a bunch of things out in my head before posting. We got to our hotel Wednesday evening(not last Wednesday, but two Wednesdays ago -- I know, it HAS been a long time), and I called her to see what time they wanted us to come over. I spoke to her husband, D. We spent some time tiptoeing around each other ("What time do you want to come over?" "I don't know, what time do you want us to come over?"), and ultimately decided to come over around 11:00 a.m. -- it wasn't too early, but it was late enough that we could leave after lunch if things weren't going well. I spoke with my birthmother, B, long enough to tell her how excited I was. She sounded remarkably nonchalant.

We arrived very close to 11:00 the next morning (my husband and I are nothing if not punctual). I had everything planned out -- I had picked up a card and stuffed bear for her before we left on our trip and, on our way to her house, I got a big balloon that said "Congratulations, It's a Girl." I figured it would be a good icebreaker. In any case, nothing went as planned, because they were waiting for us by the window, and ran outside as soon as we pulled into the driveway. I didn't know how I would feel at this very moment, but giving her a hug came naturally -- she and I both cried and our husbands both kept their distance (looking a little bewildered).

We spent a large part of the day just talking and staring at each other. We compared habits and idiosyncrasies (it turns out we both have the same Flintstone toes -- my husband couldn't believe it and kept taking photos of our feet). I was very close to asking her about the state of her uterus ("Which direction do your fallopian tubes point?"), but decided against it at the last minute. In the short time I've known her, which has been primarily through email, B has come across as a very unemotional and maybe even "hard" woman -- I found out when we met that she had actually been counting down the days and that it was taking everything she had not to burst into tears.

I told her of my journey and my search and she told me of her family. We went out to lunch together, and dinner, and spent some time just walking around the lake by her house, just talking. There were some awkward moments of silence where we just started at each other across the table, but those moments were few and far between. Overall the day was a success. We did talk about seeing each other again, maybe out in Louisiana for a crawfish boil with her family (as it turns out, my birth family is Cajun and my adoptive family is Jewish -- I am probably the world's first Cajun Jew!). We will play it by ear. Even if I were never to see her again, I think we both have closure now. We both have this very special day.